Guiding the Male Lead out of His Trauma - Chapter 45.2
To survive, I began neglecting him.
It was around that time that I found out Hyacine had gotten into a fight with other kids.
It had already been days since we’d exchanged more than ten words in a day.
I had frozen at the sight of Hyacine, beaten ragged with bruises and torn wounds.
Clutching a piece of stale bread, he asked me,
“H-Hys! Who did this? Who hit you?”
“Get away from me! Am I a bother to you? Do you not care at all about what I do?”
“What… What do you mean I don’t care? Why are you talking like that?”
I frantically looked for something to wipe off the dried blood, but all I could find was a rough scrap of cloth.
He blamed me for that, too.
“Then how could you let this happen? You don’t even care about what I’ve been doing! If that’s how it is, just live by yourself. Then you wouldn’t have to drag around someone like me, and everything would be so much easier for you.”
I snapped and shouted back.
Once I dragged up all the pent-up anxiety and frustration, I actually felt relieved.
And the moment the sun rose, I hunted down the ones who laid hands on my little brother and beat the hell out of them.
After that, whether it was begging or swindling or whatever, we did everything together, and we made up.
But here, we can’t do that.
Deployment isn’t something we can solve by facing it together.
Today is my last chance to apologize.
By the time he wakes up tomorrow, I’ll already be on the train bound for Lomdina.
If Hyacine had awakened as an S-rank like Acteon a little earlier, maybe things would have been different.
But while Acteon could be dragged into what I do, or walk into it himself, Hyacine is different.
Because he’s family.
At this point, even apologizing to someone who goes so far out of his way to avoid me…
‘Feels like I’m doing it just to ease my own guilt.’
It became even harder to figure out what I should do.
‘No helping it, I guess.’
I have to come back alive first.
Even if he resents me more, even if I get scolded, I need to make things right then.
I brushed off my knees and stood up, to do what I could before I left.
Hoping it might soothe even a bit of my family’s anger.
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“Hyacine.”
At the sound of his name being called yet again, Hyacine finally came to a stop.
There had been many calling out to him like this today because of his sister.
‘Do you feel better after lashing out like that?’
Acteon had sneered since morning before leaving.
Now, it was someone else.
“Hyacine, wait a moment.”
A figure hurried after him, trying to hide the quickened breath that came with her fast pace.
Ever since the emergency evacuation to the annex, Millia had been persistently bothering him.
“Senior Ortis came by earlier…”
“I know.”
“Wouldn’t it be better to accept her apology?”
She was being excessively cautious, perhaps not to offend him.
Hyacine stopped in his tracks on the way to the dormitory.
He had deliberately taken a route to avoid being bothered by anyone, but Millia had managed to catch him.
In her rush to catch up, she bumped into his suddenly halted back.
Looking back at her, Hyacine forced himself to suppress the flare of emotion.
“There’s no need. I know Lippey. If I accept her apology, she’ll just end up taking on more dangerous things, thinking about me instead of herself. Do I need to see that?”
“But…”
“Why are you so desperate to reconcile us, anyway? This is a family matter. Don’t meddle.”
Ah. Her blurred face let out a faint sigh, but Hyacine pretended not to notice.
“You… because…”
“If you’re going to answer, then speak properly.”
“N-No, it’s nothing…”
After being told not to interfere, Millia didn’t follow him again.
Though she remained behind, frozen where she’d been left, he didn’t look back.
His nerves were already frayed enough. If they kept talking, he might end up spitting out sharp, cutting words.
With both Acteon and Millia shaken off, the path to his room didn’t take long.
The moment he stepped inside, he tore off his forcibly buttoned vest and threw it aside, but still couldn’t catch his breath.
His feelings toward the only family he had left were always complicated.
He was barely keeping himself together.
Even if she had abandoned him, he believed he wouldn’t have resented her.
But seeing her struggle even harder because of him was always devastating.
Deployment.
He didn’t have the mind to grasp all the political motives behind it, but at the very least, he could infer that they weren’t sending her to die.
Still, who in their right mind could happily send their family off to a battlefield with a smile?
The guilt, unleashed like a burst dam, refused to settle even after roll call.
The tension between them lingered through Liliope’s final night at the academy.
He couldn’t fall into deep sleep, and when morning finally came, he opened the door to find a single note caught at the edge of it, perhaps wedged in the doorframe, or dropped just outside.
Not too long, not too short.
The clean handwriting contained only the necessary words.
His faint gaze paused on the final lines of the otherwise concise letter.
I’ll come back safely. And when I do, I’ll apologize in person. Would you accept it then?
The pocket watch from his coat dropped down and rolled across the floor.
By then, his family had already left.
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