In the Name of God - vanish into fiction

To me, who couldn’t say anything, Lee Sunho added one more thing.

“Are you going to make me a stray dog?”

To think he would compare himself to a dog.

“I’m not abandoning you; I’m trying to get you adopted.”

“Deciding without even listening to the son of a bitch’s opinion… both of you are exactly the same.”

“…”

I had no words. Just as Lee Sunho said, I was only plotting how to separate from him because it was dangerous, without even considering his opinion.

As I looked at him with complicated eyes while keeping my mouth shut, Lee Sunho let out a sigh and pulled his body away. The physical pain and stuffiness were still suppressed, but an unknown sense of emptiness washed over me.

Lee Sunho, who completely stripped off the shirt I was wearing, supported my back with one arm. As I sat leaning against Lee Sunho’s body as if buried in his embrace in an upright position, he began to wipe my back while supporting the back of my head with his large hand.

An extreme languor found its way into my already weak body. It was so deeply comfortable that I felt like I could fall asleep right then and there.

“Think carefully, Do-yoon.”

Lee Sunho whispered as if to soothe me.

“If you’re part of a clan, pair activities are the default. Even if you push me away for my sake, you’ll just have to move with some other guy soon anyway.”

He wasn’t wrong. Based on clan policy, breaking the pair with Lee Sunho didn’t mean I could operate alone. Before long, another partner would be assigned to take the front line in Lee Sunho’s place.

“If things are bound to get dangerous in the future like you said, are you planning to bring in someone who knows nothing as a partner and make them risk their life every time?”

“…”

“And are you confident you’d allow a stranger to hold you like this while they take care of your body?”

I was speechless. I began to be even more conscious of Lee Sunho’s touch as he carefully wiped my back while stroking the back of my head.

To be honest, I was reluctant to take someone else as a partner. I doubted there would be anyone who could match my rhythm as well as Lee Sunho, and I wasn’t even sure if there existed a person capable of moving while calculating not only my abilities but the attack trajectories of the revolver.

Nevertheless, if Lee Sunho could be safer than he is now, it wouldn’t be bad. I thought it would be enough if Lee Sunho didn’t get hurt or suffer because of me, even if it meant sacrificing someone else.

But it would be hard to find someone else who would cherish me and care for me as tenderly as he does now, to the point of it being ticklish.

As I was lost in thought without a word, Lee Sunho put the wet towel down on the nightstand and hugged me tight.

There was a time when this kind of hug felt embarrassing and awkward. I used to think, what kind of shameful thing is this between men?, and I thought I could never be composed while sober because it was so cringy.

To think that I, who was once like that, would become so accustomed to this.

Lee Sunho’s embrace was beyond familiar; it was perfectly comfortable, to the point where I felt like I wanted to stay like this forever. Whenever anyone else initiated skinship, it was always nothing but uncomfortable, but strangely, I didn’t feel a sense of distance with this guy. At some point, when I snapped to my senses, I found myself treating him as comfortably as if we were longtime acquaintances.

A person who can replace a guy like this… I won’t be able to find one anywhere.

Already feeling regret, I lost strength for no reason. In my ear, I heard Lee Sunho’s voice.

“I think you’re taking this too seriously because of what happened. Think of it simply.”

“Simply?”

“The reason the clan insists on pair activities is because a form where each person complements and protects the other is relatively safe.”

Being pulled into Lee Sunho’s embrace without a single gap, I closed my eyes and listened to his voice.

“If I get in danger, you can just protect me.”

Partners protecting each other. It was a very basic principle and a natural thing. Lee Sunho was saying that I should just do that natural thing.

I also agreed with that part, and I had indeed resolved to protect him even at the cost of my life, but…

“…No matter how I think about it, I don’t like the picture of you being sacrificed because of me. Even if we somehow push through dangerous situations together, in this state…”