Idol of the Heavenly One - vanish into fiction

However, I didn’t even have the mental capacity to keep worrying about it. It was time to change clothes and move on to the next part of the show. After performing five more songs, we would have one final costume change and sing three more songs, including the encore, to finish the first day of our first concert. Since there were still many stages left to do, my footsteps toward the dressing room quickened.

The costumes we were changing into this time were school uniforms. Specifically, dark gray uniforms heavily adorned with sparkling beads. I had seen them properly during yesterday’s rehearsal, and even then, I thought they were quite beautiful. They felt like something the fans would love. My uniform was a short-length gakuran. Is short-length the trend these days? It seemed like almost all the outfits were short. Because of that, there were many pieces that used garter belts inside to keep the shirts tucked in, and this uniform-based outfit was no different.

After a quick change, as I stepped out of the dressing room, I heard a staff member shout, “1 minute 30 seconds!” I ran quickly to the lift, did a final outfit check there, and stood next to Joo I-rip as we had practiced during the rehearsal. The next song was “EXIT” from our first full-length album. Once we went up, I planned to perform with a smile, acting as if nothing had happened.

“Nobody knows.”

“Huh?”

“I’m saying nobody knows. Even I find myself doubting it sometimes.”

“…Liar.”

“Yeah. It’s a lie.”

“Ha, how absurd.”

“Anyway, don’t worry about it. If you worry, it’ll show even more.”

I nodded with a smile at Joo I-rip’s words. It seemed like he was trying to soothe me, knowing I was still dwelling on what happened earlier. Truly, at times like this, he shows why he’s the leader. I was grateful for his consideration, yet I also felt somewhat embarrassed.

The members know about the relationship between Baek Jae-heon and me. That’s why they always used to ask me about his whereabouts or his opinions. Because those moments were often captured in our self-produced content or behind-the-scenes videos, there were many fans who pushed the “Baek-Cheon” pairing.

Honestly, it was impossible not to feel embarrassed. I wondered what the members thought when they looked at us, and I worried if they found it gross or dirty. Because of that, I deliberately avoided physical affection in the dorm. Of course, when we were inside our room, we often went as far as kissing, but anything beyond that felt like… well, truly crossing a line? Perhaps because Baek Jae-heon knew I felt burdened by it, he didn’t pester me or try to push further. I was grateful for that.

However, lately, I’ve been on edge every single day. Should I say it feels like things have become too loose? I know that if I worry, it shows more, just like Joo I-rip said. But I couldn’t help but worry. Because in the past, back in my previous life, the “prejudices of Korea” might have worked, but people are much more socially conscious now. Just looking at the members proves it. Honestly, I’m so grateful, but to think they understand this? If it were the “me” from my past life… would I have been able to understand? I probably would have been shocked and denied it several times. That’s how much of a prejudice-heavy generation it was back then. But now, people have broken away from fixed ideas and accept things naturally. And it’s a generation with many eyes watching and many cameras capable of recording.

While some might see those moments and think of them as “mere fan service,” others might suspect and ask, “Is that for real?” That’s why lately, whenever I search for fan reactions on my phone, I’ve been intentionally looking for reactions to Baek Jae-heon and me. Most of them stopped at the level I expected, but there were definitely people who weren’t like that. Comments that seemed genuinely suspicious. And within them, there was contempt.

Our group had already dealt with a scandal where Lee Soonbok was linked to a male influencer. Even actions that others might easily dismiss as simple fan service could be enough for people to suspect, “Aren’t they gay too?” Lee Soonbok didn’t show it at the time, but he had a very hard time. Even during our trainee days, he had a very bright vibe, but since then, his personality seemed to have become much more subdued and calm. It made sense, because whenever we went to film music shows or variety programs, we could hear whispering voices looking at Lee Soonbok—not overtly, but implicitly. That was still the case even now, a year later. Every time it happened, Lee Soonbok would chat and laugh with us as if he hadn’t heard anything, but whenever I caught his sunken eyes, I knew he wasn’t failing to hear, but rather pretending not to know.