Idol of the Heavenly One - vanish into fiction

Of course. If it is your first time, it is natural to make mistakes and not do well. I already knew that from my previous life. Even I, who was already a grown adult, made mistakes at the beginning when learning a new job. But back then, I never felt anxious. I knew too well that eventually, I would become good at it.

So why am I feeling restless now, and why do I want to do well?

“It’s just… I don’t think I’ve ever been this passionate in my life.”

Because my mindset is different. Until I died, I had only done monotonous work for the sake of my livelihood, but now I have a job that is someone’s dream and someone’s source of admiration. My attitude is different. Thinking that someone might be watching me made me want to do well.

“You sound like someone who has already lived their entire life.”

Well, I did live my whole life and start anew.

“…I mean, you probably just studied too much until now.”

Feeling slightly called out, I mumbled a reply. Baek Jae-heon leaned back in his chair and studied me carefully for a moment before speaking in a casual tone.

“When we’re filming, create a space that’s yours alone, pretend you can’t hear anything, and recall the moment you felt the most empty in your life.”

“I can still hear everything. How am I supposed to pretend I can’t?”

“You said you wanted to do well. Then you have to force yourself to try.”

“…Fine.”

“But don’t think about sad things. Think of something hollow or futile.”

Something hollow or futile? At least in this life, I haven’t experienced that yet. Then I would have to recall something from my past life… but did I ever feel a sense of futility?

“We’ll start filming again—”

“Yes.” After giving a short reply and standing up, I kept trying to think of something futile. Did that ever happen to me? Would I even remember it if it did? Surprisingly, the answer was simple.

“Camera, roll!”

To recall that memory, I tried to completely immerse myself in my own world, just as Baek Jae-heon told me. I ignored everyone’s eyes and the surrounding noise, and thought of the moment when I felt the most hollow.

That day was a cold winter day.

“Do you have the Moongbaek and Friends collaboration limited-edition cup merch here?”

“Yes, we do.”

“Ah, I’ll take one, please.”

There was only one left, so I asked for that one. If there had been two, I would have bought both. One to keep, one to use.

Step, step—

But even if there had been two, I probably should have just bought one. I never even got to open the packaging.

Thud.

It was my birthday that day, so I bought the cup as a gift for myself, but I never even saw it in person. The poster made it look so cute.

Slide—

The most futile day of my life was the day I died. Out of everyone I know, I probably had the most meaningless death. I slipped on an icy road and died on my birthday while coming back from buying character merchandise.

Did the cup break? Or did someone pick it up? Or was it thrown away? Whatever happened, if there was ever a hollow moment, that was it.

“Cut! That was so good. Did you get acting lessons during the break or something?”

Fortunately, it seemed like Baek Jae-heon’s advice worked well for me. Relieved by the director’s satisfied tone, I looked around to check other people’s reactions too.

“Uh…”

And at the end of my gaze was Baek Jae-heon, standing with his arms crossed and leaning against the wall, staring in my direction. Thinking that he might have been watching my acting made me feel shy but also grateful, so I just lifted the corners of my mouth slightly into a smile.

Flinch.

“…”

Whether my smile looked creepy or something else, Baek Jae-heon just stared at me, momentarily frozen.

“Baek Jae-heon, we’re starting your shoot right away!”

Feeling embarrassed, I quickly left the area at the call for his scene to start. I could still faintly feel his gaze on my back, but since I had another scene with Baek Jae-heon later, I used makeup retouching as an excuse to go straight into the waiting room without looking back.

“I saw you and Baek Jae-heon talking in the waiting room earlier. Was he giving you some filming tips?”

But someone else was waiting for me there. I had heard they would be shooting behind-the-scenes videos, but I didn’t know they would be doing interviews like this too.

“Ah, yes. Tips…”

My answer sounded awkward and unconvincing, but I figured if I tried to fix it, it would look even more obvious, so I left it at that.

“This is technically your first shoot with YEARZ. How does it feel?”

“It feels very difficult.”

“Are you nervous or excited?”

“Hmm…”

Are they asking like this because they want viewers to see me as nervous or excited? Should I answer that way, or should I just be honest?

“I feel like it’s difficult because I really want to do well.”

I decided to just be honest. I felt that it was best to express exactly what I was feeling and thinking right now.

Maybe people would see a frustrated expression on my face, not from nervousness or excitement, but from wanting to do well and not being able to. I didn’t want to cover that up with something else.

After all, one of the things I learned in my 50 years of life was that people shine the brightest when they are honest about their feelings and true to their actions.