Swallow Hunting - Chapter 13.1
It did not take very long to reach the bridge. It was late, so the road was empty and there was no one passing by. Dragging his aching soles, Hae-jun walked across the bridge. A cold wind scattered his hair as it swept past.
When he reached about the middle, Hae-jun leaned his arms on the railing and looked down. The water was calm. It felt as though it would swallow just one person without a fuss and continue flowing leisurely. When the sun rose, the world would go on as if he had never existed in the first place.
Hae-jun took off his slippers and set them aside. He lifted one leg onto the railing and hesitated for a moment, then gathered his strength and climbed over. Gripping the railing with both hands, he lowered his head. The city lights shimmered and wavered along the surface of the river.
He had let himself be carried by impulse, run all the way to the river, and ended up standing beyond the bridge, yet when it came time to actually let go, he was terrified. His legs shook violently, and the hands clinging to the railing were clenched so hard that they turned red and pale.
The wind was fierce. It was a season too early to be winter and too late to be autumn, but the gusts slapping his cheeks felt like a north wind blowing straight off the Siberian plains.
If he went back, all that awaited him was humiliating footage being filmed and getting squeezed dry in those bastards’ hands. Throwing himself down was the way to salvage what remained of his life. Thinking that, Hae-jun squeezed his eyes shut.
Just as he barely managed to lift a single pinky finger, a car came speeding toward the far end of the bridge. Its headlights swept over Hae-jun’s profile as it passed. He almost let go in shock from the glare.
“…!”
For someone who had crossed the railing prepared to die, nearly falling for real left cold sweat soaking his forehead, the soles of his feet, and his palms.
The car slowed as if it would pass him by, then gradually came to a stop. Hae-jun had all his attention fixed on the pitch black river below and did not even realize that someone was approaching him at an unhurried pace.
Only when the man bent slightly at the waist, leaned an arm against the railing, and stopped about a step away did Hae-jun notice the presence beside him.
“Eek!”
He nearly fell a second time. This time, tears even pricked his eyes. Pressing himself close to the railing, Hae-jun looked at the man. The gently smiling face was familiar. No, more than familiar. It was a face that appeared from time to time even in his dreams, just when he thought he had forgotten it, and tormented him. Hae-jun’s mouth fell open.
“S-Sir?”
“Hello.”
The greeting was casual. He was calm, far too calm for someone who had just witnessed a suicide attempt. He looked at Hae-jun as if he had come to sightsee in the area, regardless of whether Hae-jun jumped or not.
“How are you here?”
“I was passing by and saw you, Cha Hae-jun.”
“Me?”
“Yeah.”
He had nothing to say. Hae-jun’s lips moved soundlessly. His head would not work well enough to figure out how to continue the conversation. All that came to mind were strange things.
‘Then please go on your way, I will try falling now. Nice to meet you before I die. I know it is shameless, but could you call emergency services about ten minutes after I fall so they can find the body. Sorry for causing trouble, but out of basic human decency, please collect the corpse.’
“Falling?”
Seeing Hae-jun hesitate, Lee Kang-ju asked. Despite the wording, his voice did not carry curiosity or encouragement. He was simply asking. Whether he would fall or not.
“I have to.”
“Then why are you hesitating?”
“Because I am scared.”
“Not fully resolved yet?”
Hae-jun nodded. He had been shoved here by impulse, but with death right in front of him, he kept stepping back. Even so, he had no intention of returning to the safe side of the railing. Death awaited him on both sides. The only difference was whether it was a social death or a physical one.
Lee Kang-ju stared at Hae-jun for a long moment, then took a cigarette out of his pocket. He put it to his own lips and lit it, taking a deep drag that hollowed his cheeks. He did not usually enjoy smoking, but Lee Kang-ju smoked as if it were delicious, and Hae-jun found himself watching without realizing it.
Lee Kang-ju held out the cigarette he had just taken a puff from toward Hae-jun. Then, noticing the two hands gripping the railing, he murmured an ah and placed it directly between Hae-jun’s lips. Like laying flowers on a grave, setting incense at a funeral, like lighting a cigarette for the dead and leaving it there.
“I came because I was curious what you would do, but if this keeps up, it counts as aiding a suicide. The punishment for that is pretty severe. If things go wrong, I could even do time.”
“Then just go.”
“I would like you to decide quickly. Whether you will jump or not.”
“I will handle it myself.”
“I will watch before I go.”
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