Transmigrated as the Side Top used as an Emotional Trash Can - Chapter 29.2
“Huh, Cha Gwonhyeok has never dated anyone? His standards must be insanely high….”
“Guys who look like that are secretly devoted to one person.”
The Drama Club members moving equipment nearby heard me and assumed that my first kiss would naturally be with Cha Gwonhyeok, who was playing opposite me.
“What do you mean, guys who look like that? Guys who look like me aren’t devoted?”
“Guys who look like you pretend they don’t know anything, then do everything behind everyone’s backs.”
“Is there anyone who doesn’t know Baekflip dated a delinquent noona from a girls’ high school in middle school?”
It was true that a famously pretty delinquent noona from the area had asked me out while I was walking home from school in middle school. She had frightened me a little, so I had dated her for a few days, but we hadn’t made any progress. I had only walked her home a few times.
But had that really been so well known?
“You’re a fucking fox. You have the kind of face that would shove your tongue in first when kissing.”
“Blehlehlehleh-.”
That was unfair. My tongue wasn’t capable of performing such detailed and filthy functions.
“Have any of you ever seen me kiss? Have you ever kissed me yourselves?”
“Ugh, fuck. I’d rather die than kiss you. Hard pass.”
“Tongue-Plaque Baek? Hard pass.”
The guys continued teasing me mercilessly until they had thoroughly stripped my soul bare, then disappeared behind the auditorium carrying the equipment.
“Do I really look like someone who’d shove his tongue in first? Does my face really look that rough?”
Feeling a little wronged, I asked Kim Jihwan and Cha Gwonhyeok.
“You do seem like you’d learn quickly. You’re diligent.”
Cha Gwonhyeok gave an irrelevant answer, then shifted his gaze toward Kim Jihwan. Kim Jihwan twisted his face at the look, shoved Cha Gwonhyeok away from where he had his arm around his shoulders with a loud smack, then disappeared toward the soundproof booth. Judging by how intense his reaction was, it seemed the two of them had already progressed as far as kissing.
Would you like to restart?
Yes / No
And this time, I died while everyone was drinking refreshments after Drama Club practice.
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* * *
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I had no idea anymore.
What had I done wrong to deserve dying this many times? This wasn’t the first time I had died since coming to this world. Death itself was familiar. But this endless chain of it wasn’t. What in the world had I done wrong?
“Baek Hanrim, either eat or sleep. Pick….”
“Yeah, I don’t have much of an appetite today. Hahaha.”
For the first time across all these loops, I interrupted Kim Jihwan. I also ignored Cha Gwonhyeok’s startled gaze as he blinked at me. I stared only at my tray and closed my eyes for a moment.
Why did I keep dying so painfully? This was too malicious. The intent behind it was malicious. They simply wanted to watch me suffer. They wanted to know how much pain I could endure. Repeated poisonings, traffic accidents, contract killings. I couldn’t escape this cycle no matter what I did.
“…I’m a little tired.”
Cha Gwonhyeok made me uncomfortable too. And after eating the same meal more than a dozen times, I was sick of it. No matter what I ate or did, I died, so was there any meaning to this time?
“I think I’ll go sleep. I’m leaving first.”
I arranged my face into its usual gentle expression. Then I left the cafeteria, walked down the hallway, and tried relaxing my face a little. I looked at my reflection in the full-length mirror in the hallway. By now, even when I relaxed my expression, I didn’t stray far beyond the boundaries of ‘Baek Hanrim.’
“That’s a relief, at least.”
Now, even when I died, it felt as though Baek Hanrim had died instead of me.
“Hahaha.”
Right. Time. I needed a time-out. In my head, I imagined raising my hands and forming a T in front of my chest. Whether I died or survived this round, I was going to sleep as much as I wanted. The moment I reached the infirmary, I lay down on a bed and fell asleep as though losing consciousness. I had truly never wanted to come back here, but this time, it was unavoidable.
I lay on the bed and closed my eyes.
As I did, memories I had buried for a long time soon surfaced.
Things that had happened outside the novel. Fragmentary scenes from immediately before I became Baek Hanrim.
I could see a white ceiling and an IV. The passing people and surrounding noise were chaotic. I was lying down, and my throat and nose stung. I felt like vomiting.
And so, I continued sinking into an old memory.
.
.
.
I speak to the person before me.
He is standing, and I am sitting on the floor.
“You want to know what you did wrong?”
I had gathered my courage and asked the boy leading the bullying.
“You just fucking piss me off. Even the way you talk is stupid.”
He shoves me hard and stomps on me again.
My white school uniform shirt is filthy with all kinds of stains, as though it has been that way for a long time.
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