Transmigrated as the Side Top used as an Emotional Trash Can - Chapter 69.1
“If you say you didn’t know how I felt, I’ll believe you.”
I could tell that it was different in nature from the ‘I like you’ and ‘I love you’ that I habitually threw around at people.
We were clearly living creatures who breathed and spoke in the same way, yet the weight of the emotions we created existed on entirely different levels. The sense of alienation was strong enough that it wouldn’t have been strange to think of us as different kinds of beings.
“It’s not that I had no idea at all. If there was something I didn’t know, it was probably how deep it was.”
“When I first asked whether you were into men too, did you only say yes because you were trying to be considerate of me?”
Well, ‘Baek Hanrim’ definitely loved Kim Jihwan.
“I do lo…ve, Jihwan.”
The moment I tried to put the word love into my mouth, it felt infinitely lighter and more frivolous compared to what Jihyeok-hyung meant when he said he liked me, so I hesitated.
It was embarrassing.
The emotions I had wielded had a smoothness that came from being worn down over and over, while Jihyeok-hyung’s emotions had an unprocessed, rough crudeness.
They had enough friction that if they brushed against someone’s heart, they would scratch it and leave behind proof that they had existed.
“I wondered if you were giving me false hope, but once I realized what was happening, it turned out you hadn’t even thought about tormenting me. I was the only one suffering and overthinking everything.”
As I watched Jihyeok-hyung laugh self-deprecatingly, I suddenly felt sorry.
I wanted to apologize, but I thought an apology might hurt him, so I stayed quietly still without saying anything.
“I’m not asking you to accept my feelings. I just wanted to tell you.”
“Thank you for working up the courage.”
“It wasn’t even courage. I’d already been barely holding it in whenever I saw you because my feelings kept swelling up.”
“You must’ve had a hard time holding it in.”
I smiled playfully for no reason, and Hyung looked at me before bursting into an innocent laugh I had never seen before.
He looked relieved.
“If I reject you, will you be hurt?”
“Even in my dreams, you never accepted my confession.”
We laughed for a long time and talked like we normally did.
Then the wooden backrest of the bench, which had been cold, began to feel lukewarm.
It was because we had been sitting there too long.
And the fact that I suddenly noticed it meant it was time for us to go our separate ways and head home.
“Hyung, I called you here today because there’s something I wanted to ask.”
“What is it?”
I opened my mouth for the original reason I had called Jihyeok-hyung to this park.
“Do you happen to know Goo Hyeonjin-hyung?”
Goo Hyeonjin.
Someone I couldn’t understand, because he kept coming to see me even though he had no intention of confessing.
Why did he keep hovering around me?
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“Ha….”
Kim Jihwan let out an uncharacteristic sigh.
“What’s wrong?”
Cha Gwonhyeok asked Kim Jihwan why.
Kim Jihwan clenched his teeth hard enough for his jaw muscles to sink in, then muttered quickly.
“There are so fucking many thieves. Are they stocking up for winter because it’s getting cold?”
“Huh? Sorry.”
I had been secretly stealing carrots from Kim Jihwan’s tray, so I apologized guiltily.
Kim Jihwan glared at me with irritation, sighed, then turned his head away.
“You just shut your mouth and fucking eat.”
“Wouldn’t it be hard to eat if he shuts his mouth?”
Cha Gwonhyeok joked with a smile at Kim Jihwan.
Kim Jihwan bristled and nearly cursed, but glanced at me once and forcibly held it back.
“Don’t piss me off.”
Ever since Kim Jihwan and Cha Gwonhyeok had gotten into a huge fight and then discovered that their hobbies overlapped, they had become noticeably closer.
Kim Jihwan had become more tolerant of Cha Gwonhyeok, and Cha Gwonhyeok had become more shamelessly playful with Kim Jihwan.
It was such an ideal development in their relationship that it nearly brought tears to my eyes.
How nice it was to see them getting along.
“Ah, something of mine got stolen recently too.”
Watching their heartwarming back-and-forth reminded me of something, so I casually brought it up.
“What? What was it?”
“Did you tell the teacher?”
“I don’t know whether it was stolen or I lost it, so I didn’t tell the teacher. It wasn’t anything important either.”
I picked up a large mouthful of the shredded egg garnish from the janchi-guksu served for lunch and put it in my mouth.
I had buttered up one of the cafeteria ladies I had gotten friendly with, and she had piled the egg on almost as high as the noodles. I was happily devouring it with gratitude.
“What did you lose?”
“Mm, a stuffed toy I used as a pillow.”
Kim Jihwan asked, so I answered.
At that, Cha Gwonhyeok asked.
“You slept on a stuffed toy?”
“I won it from a claw machine with the guys, but nobody wanted it, so I left it in the classroom and used it.”
As I answered, I thought about it carefully and started to feel awkward.
Who would steal something that dirty?
“I only mentioned it because I remembered it. I don’t really want to find it. I’m not attached to it.”
“But it was yours.”
Cha Gwonhyeok stopped moving his spoon and looked at me.
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