Transmigrated as the Side Top used as an Emotional Trash Can - Chapter 79.1
I continued exploring the forest.
“If it weren’t for the fog, I’d find it in no time.”
For now, I was distinguishing the terrain by things like tree rings, unusual trees, and rocks, but if I kept expanding the area I searched, there was no way I could memorize all of it. I might even get the places I had already memorized mixed up. I shouldn’t memorize anything unless it was somewhere truly necessary.
“Hanrim-ah. It’s dangerous, let’s go back.”
Cha Gwonhyeok’s voice came again. But now, no matter what it did, I wasn’t going to be fooled.
“Gwonhyeok-ah. Don’t follow me.”
I casually shut down the one speaking to me. And because the terrain near the waterfall was uneven, I got off the bicycle and pushed it.
“…Why?”
Cha Gwonhyeok’s voice asked. The sound was a little distant, as if he really wasn’t following me. I didn’t answer the question of ‘why?’ and simply kept moving forward.
“Tell me why.”
The voice was still far away. But I could hear footsteps. It was following me from a distance.
“Hanrim-ah, did something happen?”
“Yeah. There’s a Jangsanbeom living here.”
“You’re saying that too?”
Was it calculated bait, or an unintentional truth?
Should I keep talking for now to gather information?
“Who else have you talked to besides me?”
“Some man who works at a company. He said he was driving, then came to his senses and found himself here.”
The information was more detailed than what I had gotten from Kim Jihwan. Had it done some investigating of its own?
“Gwonhyeok-ah, how much do you know about the Jangsanbeom?”
“Answer me first.”
Cha Gwonhyeok paused briefly, then said.
“Can I come closer now?”
Honestly, I thought it was dangerous. The back of my head was still stinging from getting fooled by Kim Jihwan earlier. You could be another Jangsanbeom trying to deceive and kill me at any moment too.
“You can come within three steps.”
Once I gave permission, I heard the sound of fallen leaves being stepped on and sensed a presence. Something really did come closer behind me.
“Gwonhyeok-ah, so what do you know about the Jangsanbeom?”
“You’re not supposed to face a Jangsanbeom, and they say it’s light.”
Light. Had he tried lifting one? Maybe it was possible since they were docile.
“It didn’t look light.”
“Hanrim, have you seen a Jangsanbeom before?”
Seen one? I had already died to it several times.
“Just a little, from far away.”
“With this much fog, from far away?”
Sharp. I hadn’t expected to be questioned in return. Those pointed questions were exactly Cha Gwonhyeok’s style.
“If I’d faced one, there’s no way I’d still be alive like this.”
“So you die if you face it?”
“Didn’t you say earlier that you weren’t supposed to face it?”
“I only knew you shouldn’t. I didn’t know you’d die.”
Damn, I was trying to extract information and giving it information instead. This wasn’t a good situation. I was getting dragged along.
“Gwonhyeok-ah, I think we lack trust too much.”
“Hanrim, have you ever trusted me?”
I flinched and went stiff.
“You never trusted me from the first time we met.”
Cha Gwonhyeok’s voice was even. Just like always.
“You kept watching me and staying on guard. Me.”
Of course I did. You’re the main top. The obsessive top who’ll grow up cruel and vicious in the future.
You might be fine now, but I don’t know what you’ll be like later.
“I’m better at reading people’s emotions than you think.”
Rustle.
In the unreal, foggy forest, the sound of a foot stepping onto the soft fallen leaves came one step closer. I had definitely told him to stay three steps away, yet he was closing the distance however he pleased.
“You don’t know what kind of expression you make.”
At Cha Gwonhyeok’s words, Jihyeok-hyung suddenly came to mind.
Someone who understood me better than I understood myself. Had Cha Gwonhyeok also discovered a side of me I didn’t know?
“What kind of expression do I make?”
Truthfully, I didn’t really want to know. People who had a lot to hide found other people’s assessments uncomfortable. Because it felt like losing control over myself.
“A kind and gentle expression, an expression without greed.”
“Are you complimenting me?”
“Yeah, you’re doing well. It’s a compliment.”
The sudden praise made me feel more burdened instead. Even if it was something good, it made me feel the gap between that and the person I really was.
“If you keep doing that, no one will ever know.”
For a moment, it felt like my heart dropped with a thud.
What did that mean?
“Know what?”
“What you’re doing right now.”
“Well, I don’t know what you’re talking about….”
Cha Gwonhyeok suddenly laughed aloud at my feigned ignorance.
Without realizing it, I tightened my grip on the bicycle handlebars.
“I’m talking about those obsessive behaviors of yours.”
Obsessive? What do you know? I’m just trying my best.
“You do seem like a kind and gentle person to some extent. But you always feel like you’re standing one step back. Like you’re living someone else’s life, like you’ve become an observer.”
Is that wrong?
“You obsessively try not to genuinely immerse yourself in your own life. What are you so afraid of?”
There were plenty of things I was afraid of. So many. Even this situation right now was one of the things that made me afraid of this life.
“Hanrim-ah, don’t try to do everything alone.”
But I have no choice but to do it alone. Once this game ends, no one will remember. I’ll be the only one who remembers. This situation will become something that never happened, and all the pain will become mine alone.
“It was hard, wasn’t it?”
At Cha Gwonhyeok’s gentle words, it felt like a crack formed in the psychological defenses I had built up. I wanted to step outside the role I had taken on and just speak completely honestly. It felt like I would be more comfortable if I did. But.
“But what does that have to do with you?”
Psychological attacks like this didn’t work on me anymore. Through my conversation with Kwon Jayoon, I had learned how to protect myself. No matter what someone said, if I believed it wasn’t true, then it wasn’t.
“I’ll think it through with you. Don’t suffer alone anymore.”
“Stop it. Jangsanbeom.”
“I really want to help you. Because I….”
“That still won’t make me turn around.”
Rustle-.
Suddenly, the bushes in front of me swayed and shook.
“Oh? There are people here.”
Then, an ahjumma appeared.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE
