Guiding the Male Lead out of His Trauma - Chapter 42.2
“Cassiel Brondearn. Can you take responsibility for those words? Do you really think I’d go along with it?”
As I tightened my grip on the hand I had pushed away, the clouded light in his irises gradually returned.
“…Hah.”
“Even if you’re angry, just listen.”
Cassiel stayed silent.
It was as good as a silent yes.
“You know it too. I didn’t have any other choice. Even if I’d accepted the Crown Prince’s offer, nothing would’ve turned out that differently from now. On the contrary… even if I’d been deployed to Lomdina later, your relatives’ surveillance and interference would’ve made it even harder for me to survive.”
“…Fine. Keep going.”
Unfazed by his sarcastic tone, I continued.
“The situation in Barmos is unstable. Eventually, after we graduate, there’ll come a time when the war ends in one form or another. We hold on, survive however we can… and then we change it.”
He still said nothing.
But the trembling in the hand I was still holding had eased noticeably from a few minutes ago.
Exhaling slowly, he finally regained some composure.
“So for that… we need to find a way to remove the control stone?”
His voice was clear, back to rational thought.
He quickly picked up on the original topic of conversation and questioned it head-on.
“Even if Awakeners can use mana, all of that power is being used only for war and power right now. Even though we have strength, we can’t even freely use it to protect ourselves.”
“If we get caught, it’ll backfire. But… yeah.”
Grimacing slightly, he muttered with bitter self-awareness.
“Yeah… in a worst-case scenario, at least you might be able to avoid danger.”
I’d barely managed to persuade him, but I still couldn’t let go of his hand.
The pain on his face lingered too vividly in my mind.
Cassiel still hadn’t fully calmed down.
This request had always been close to a threat, and I should have realized that much sooner.
“…If it’s materials on the control stone, I’ve already been organizing them back at the mansion. Once I’m released from punishment, I’ll bring them to you.”
“……”
“Why are you looking at me like that? It’s not like you ever liked me that much. Are you feeling guilty or something?”
Without even giving me a chance to answer, Cassiel pulled his hand away first.
“Forget it. Consider it my way of repenting for what I did to you when we first met.”
“…Even so, you—”
“But you’d better keep that one promise. The one where you said you didn’t want to die. That one, you must keep.”
Go now. Class is about to start.
He cut off every answer I’d been about to give.
Just for a moment, it felt like we were back in that ruined, crumbling place where only my younger brother and I had survived.
That feeling of despair… that no one but me was left to protect this child.
The fear of an uncertain future.
Back then, I’d clung to life with the desperate resolve that I’d throw myself in if I had to, just to protect him.
That stubborn will to survive had become part of who I was now.
But now, more and more people were starting to shake that resolve.
I was becoming afraid of turning my back on them.
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* * *
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A week later, Cassiel finally left the annex.
In the meantime, I had been living a fake, performative daily routine in the days leading up to my deployment.
I followed the usual schedule. Physical training in the mornings, formal lectures during the day.
Every other day, I rolled in the dirt learning self-defense in case of skirmishes, practiced swordsmanship, and honed my marksmanship.
Acteon and I, having returned from the capital, silently agreed to keep my deployment secret from Hyacine.
Since he didn’t know I was being sent to Lomdina, whenever a related topic came up, I always found ways to change the subject, pretending to be distracted.
After those days that felt like the calm before a storm, Cassiel finally returned to the dormitory.
“What happened to you? You look like you fell in a mud pit.”
“That’s because I really did. No wonder I’m a mess. Hand me that towel, will you?”
Today had been an escape drill in case we were ever taken prisoner.
Thanks to a scuffle that broke out midway, I’d gotten thoroughly thrown into a muddy pit.
From head to toe, half-dried mud clung to me and dripped off in chunks.
Some cadets had ignored the professor’s warnings and jumped into the lake, but I hadn’t wanted to join that group.
Even just wiping my face with the remaining water in my canteen made me feel like I could breathe again.
Standing a few steps away to avoid the mud, Cassiel tossed me a damp towel with a dull look in his eyes.
“Lucky you. If it weren’t for your punishment, you’d have been thrown in with us too.”
“That almost sounds like you’re saying you want to toss me in now. You think I’d go down that easily?”
“What a shame…”
I deliberately threw out a light joke, watching his expression.
Even though I knew why he’d come, I couldn’t bring myself to ask directly, so he spoke first.
“The thing you asked about, the control stone removal. I’ve found something that might work. Not certain yet, but it’s worth a try. So clean yourself up and come out.”
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