In the Name of God - Chapter 46.2
I looked up at Lee Sunho with bleary eyes. When he answered with a soft “Yes,” I staggered as I pushed my upper body up to sit. Lee Sunho sat on the edge of the bed to listen to my words closely and to be ready to catch me safely if I collapsed.
“Do you know something…?”
“What?”
“You… look a bit like him…?”
Lee Sunho felt a slight tremor from me as I stared intently at him.
“You look like… the boy I know….”
Stiffening for a moment, Lee Sunho could not avoid my two hands reaching out toward him.
My pale but warm fingers fumbled over Lee Sunho’s face.
“The face is……, well…. Honestly, it doesn’t look that much like him…? No…. Are the eyes… a bit similar…?”
My slender fingertips stroked his cheekbones and cheeks, the insides of my knuckles grazing the skin, until finally both my palms cupped Lee Sunho’s face. Then, I softly touched the line of his eyes, traced the bridge of his nose, and lightly pressed against his lips.
Then, frowning, I let out a complaining mutter.
“No…. You don’t look like him…. That boy doesn’t wear… something strange on his face like you do….”
Hearing that, Lee Sunho’s eyes twitched.
He had not imagined that I would be able to recognize it.
While he felt a sense of alarm, on the other hand, he felt good.
It meant that I was the only one who had recognized the mask made of shadows, which no one else could distinguish.
Lee Sunho took pride in the fact that no one suited the word “unique” better than me.
At that moment, the strength drained completely from my two hands that had been fumbling over Lee Sunho’s face.
“Actually… I don’t really know…. I can’t remember…. It’s not that I meant to forget… but I forgot….”
My voice, which was always indifferent, was gradually cracking and turning fragile. My vacant eyes were now fixed on Lee Sunho, trembling finely.
Soon, my head dropped low.
“I miss him….”
It was a very small mumble.
However, Lee Sunho did not miss that voice.
“Do you want to see him?”
“…Huh?”
“The boy you’re talking about, do you want to meet him?”
As if I hadn’t expected to hear such a thing, my eyes as I raised my head were trembling much more than before. Perhaps because of the heat from the alcohol, my lips, which looked redder than usual, faltered several times.
Lee Sunho waited anxiously for the words that would follow from my mouth. Even a brief silence settled as heavily as a thousand pounds.
“Yes….”
Only after a long time had passed did an answer finally come.
“But… I don’t know if it’s okay for me to meet him….”
My voice, drained of energy, stumbled through the words.
“I just… think it would be enough… if I knew he was alive and well…….”
“Is it enough just for him to be alive?”
“Mhm…. That’s enough….”
“If he is alive, do you have any intention of meeting him?”
I agonized again.
For an even longer time than before, I groaned and struggled for a while.
Eventually, I shook my head.
The smile gradually vanished from Lee Sunho’s face.
“…Why?”
By the time he asked for the reason, his expression was already gone, leaving only a chilling, piercing gaze. Because I had my head lowered, I failed to see that expression and gaze.
“Because I… lied….”
My lowered head dropped even further, and my voice crawled into the depths.
“The promise, I couldn’t keep it….”
<Guardian Deity □□□ promises to be with you forever.>
Lee Sunho could easily guess what the “promise” I was talking about was. Because his lips began to tremble severely, Lee Sunho bit his lower lip hard enough to hurt.
“Because I… would die soon… even though I knew I couldn’t keep the promise…….”
Lee Sunho cupped my face with both hands. Lifting it carefully, he took into his eyes what kind of expression I was making.
It was a face that looked as though I might burst into sorrowful tears at any moment, something unimaginable from the usual me.
“Because I think he’ll hate me… I can’t meet him….”
Finally, moisture welled up in my eyes. Tears rolled down from my flushed eyes, beginning to slowly soak Lee Sunho’s hands that were holding my face.
“…No.”
Lee Sunho’s face gradually contorted.
Whether it was sadness or joy.
Whether it was anxiety or relief.
Emotions that could not be organized into one surged up, swirling complexly inside Lee Sunho’s statue-like mask.
But in the end, there was only one thing Lee Sunho could voice.
“He doesn’t hate you. …How could I hate you?”
I know what you gave up for me, so how could I.
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