In the Name of God - Chapter 94.1
Lee Sunho’s movements came to a halt. Although any remaining moisture on my body had already dried, Lee Sunho’s hand, still clutching the towel, remained rested atop me.
The first thing to change was his gaze.
The eyes that had been tender throughout the session sank rapidly, beginning to harbor a chill instead of warmth. The eye shape that had been beautifully curved now carried a sharp light, as if honed to a keen edge.
It felt as though my statement had caused Lee Sunho’s mood to plummet to the very bottom in a single instant.
It wasn’t that I didn’t understand. From the first dungeon raid until now, Lee Sunho had been perfectly in sync with me. The fact that we both started as Rank 9s and were the same age likely made me a comfortable partner for him.
I had received an almost excessive amount of care from him, and even at this very moment, I was benefiting from his attention. Since I had brought this up in the middle of all that, it was only natural that he wouldn’t feel particularly great about it. To be looked after so sincerely only to be hit with a bolt from the blue like a rejection—who would welcome that?
But I wasn’t saying this because I wanted to.
“I think the appearance of those black monsters is somehow related to me.”
It was a suspicion, but I was almost certain.
“The dungeon where we first met, the promotion exam site, the underground dungeon in the disaster zone, and this large-scale raid… maybe even the collapse of the Daejeon Sanctuary are all connected. I was present at every single scene.”
Due to the memories that resurfaced this time, I realized that the energy surrounding the monsters was intertwined with my Apostle’s “shadow.”
Even until now, I have tried to grasp his intentions by attempting to visualize my Apostle’s face, which I still cannot remember. The answer wasn’t that difficult to reach.
The one who brought me to this world is my Apostle. He knows I have lost most of my memories of him, and he wants to make those memories whole again, by any means necessary.
I am reasonably certain of this much. The problem is what he plans to do once I regain all my memories.
‘I am someone who should have died a long time ago.’
Regaining my memories doesn’t make me a “person who should live.” This body belongs to Seong Do-yoon, not me. Someday, in accordance with the natural order, I would not only have to return the body but close my own eyes as well.
Since I have to leave anyway, making my memories whole wouldn’t change anything.
‘…Wait, maybe one thing would change.’
Perhaps I could give him the farewell I wanted to say but never could. To tell him to forget about a “God” and live well, since I won’t be able to look down upon him anymore. To tell him that because of him, I was able to close my eyes happily, and so I hope he too will be happy until the day his own breath runs out.
No. If only I had properly conveyed a short “Goodbye” instead of a long-winded speech, that child might not have kept someone like me in his heart until now.
Bracing my troubled heart, I bit my lip hard.
‘…Regardless, things like this will keep happening until the Synchrony Rate reaches 100%.’
Even if just to say that goodbye, I had to meet my Apostle. To do that, aside from gathering information, I had to recover my lost memories. This meant that even if something like this happened again, I could not avoid it—and I must not avoid it.
In that process, it was only natural that my partner, Lee Sunho, would be put in danger.
The image of Lee Sunho dying flashed through my mind.
The pungent smell of blood, the red liquid staining his shirt deep, the large wounds carved into a body that previously hadn’t had a single scratch, and the faint breathing and pale complexion that made it seem as though his life could end at any moment.
Just witnessing that image made me feel as if the blood in my entire body was turning cold. The scene of those black stalks raining down and crushing him was something I couldn’t bear to accept, even with the “Adaptation” skill.
Even if it was a fake, the shock of that moment was beyond words.
Thinking back to that time, my eyes trembled involuntarily and my chest felt tight.
‘Once is enough for that kind of thing.’
I absolutely did not want to see Lee Sunho seriously injured or dying. I didn’t even want to imagine it. On the other hand, I was surprised by my own reaction.
I, who used to be unfazed even as countless people died before my eyes, was shocked to the point of being unable to maintain my sanity at the prospect of Lee Sunho’s death.
It could be evidence that my mental strength had weakened, but it might also mean that I had opened my heart to Lee Sunho more deeply than I thought.
Before Lee Sunho gets into more danger, before my weakness worsens, and before I develop one more lingering attachment other than my Apostle.
I felt it was right to settle things now.
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