Idol of the Heavenly One - vanish into fiction

“The weather is truly nice.”

That single remark strangely lingered in my ears for a long time like an echo. It was a word of no particular significance, yet it sounded as though it were a sentence addressed only to me. That was why I nodded my head and replied before I knew it. That it was. That the weather was nice. My throat was not as hoarse as I thought.

“Time is truly fast. It feels as if life has just flashed by.”

At those words, I agreed inwardly once more. It is fast. It is truly fast. To me, those words hit with a far heavier weight than they would for others. I had already lived two lives, and combining my past life and this life, I spent over seventy years of time by a rough estimate. I never knew life would feel this short even after living for seventy years. Rather, it felt as though the more the times overlapped, the faster it slipped downward. It was as if each day was not accumulating, but disappearing entirely at a certain moment. Because of that, it felt like terror, hesitation, and courage would all become meaningless if they were not used at the proper time.

“Fearing, taking on challenges, and regretting are all things that should have been tried back then.”

The words of that person hovered around my ears. For a split second, I flinched, wondering if that person had read my thoughts, but soon after, I figured that given that person’s age, he must have simply arrived at a similar thought. That was why I quietly nodded my head and chimed in. Right, it should have been back then. Because something called timing only reveals its face after it has already passed by.

“I regret the things I couldn’t do back then.”

Those words sounded exceptionally low. Regret. I knew that word all too well. Therefore, this time I opened my mouth without hesitation.

“You can just do it now.”

In case my words sounded too light, I caught my breath for a moment. However, I was sincere. I wanted to tell him that it was not too late even now. Because, if I could meet the past me again, I would have undoubtedly said the exact same words.

“Shall I do that? Should I do it even now.”

It was hard to see whether that person’s expression was just blank or if he was wearing a smile at the corners of his mouth, but a strangely relieved air was felt.

“Yes.”

My answer was short but firm.

“Then student, you do it now too. The fact that you are agonizing over something means that your heart wants to do it.”

Those words accurately pierced my inner depths. I could not give any answer. I merely kept my lips shut and quietly felt that sentence spreading within me. Agonizing over something. Hesitating. Being terrified. Why am I only now trying to admit the fact that all of those things actually begin from a heart that wants to do it. At that moment, I realized it. I hadn’t been running away, I had been holding onto it continuously. Because I couldn’t let go, because it was so precious, and because that made it all the more terrifying.

If in the past, the desire to stand on stage together with the members came first, now it is different. Now, I wanted to do it because I didn’t want to run away. It was because I knew all too well that if I kept hesitating here, I would undoubtedly regret it someday. And I did not want to regret anymore. Because even if it’s terrifying, even if it’s scary, I’ve come to know that I am not alone. There is Baek Jae-heon to face it together, there are the members who will laugh, fight, and cry by my side, and there is my family telling me to return whenever I like.

The moment that thought arose, my chest grew hot. I jumped up from my seat. My body reacted first like an instinct. And I began to run just like that. It didn’t matter even if I got out of breath. It was fine even if my legs were a bit heavy. A thought that I would regret it if I didn’t go to the place I must go right this instant rushed up from the tips of my toes.

Then suddenly, an unexplainable sense of déjà vu flashed by. I stopped my steps and turned around. At that place from earlier, on that bench, that person was not there. It was completely empty, as though no one had been there from the very beginning. A sense of wonder raised its head for a moment, but I did not hold onto it for long. I turned my head back and began to run toward the dorm where the members were. This time, I did not hesitate. As much as I grew out of breath, my heart was also becoming firm. While promising to myself like that, that I will no longer run away.