Idol of the Heavenly One - Chapter 49.2
So I wanted to say it clearly. That I think I might be gay. That I seem to have feelings for you. That when you held my hand that dawn, when your palm brushed against mine, when you patted my head earlier and your thumb grazed my fingers, my heart raced every single time. I wanted to scream that I got butterflies.
“…It didn’t mean anything special. I just said it because I believe liking someone is a personal freedom, and that you don’t have the right to judge someone for it.”
But I know. I have lived for sixty-nine years, and I know how ugly it can look when someone pours out their emotions. Sure, there are people who can make it look cool—but those people usually exist only in movies or dramas. From what I have experienced, when someone expresses their feelings too openly in real life, the reaction they get is often something like, “What’s wrong with him? He should’ve kept it to himself.”
So if I were to confess these feelings to someone who just said “don’t go near a gay person,” the outcome was too obvious to even imagine.
Baek Jae-heon didn’t take his eyes off me for a while. His gaze looked sharp, but deep inside it, I could see emotions trembling as if being suppressed. He turned his head slightly, then looked back at me and spoke in a low voice.
“Ah—”
The short sound he let out was low, yet it carried a faint tremor. It wasn’t anger, nor was it calm. It was a tone mixed with emotions I couldn’t define.
But I neither could guess nor wanted to guess what that emotion was. The only thing I wanted now was for this situation to end quickly.
“…Then, I’m going.”
I couldn’t keep facing him any longer. If I stayed even a second more, I felt like I would either blurt out the truth or faint on the spot. Even the answer I had just managed to give him had taken all the courage I had.
I walked past Baek Jae-heon toward the door, trying to head back into the gym.
I knew that once I opened that door, the managers outside would look shocked and bombard me with questions. But telling them anything would only earn me looks that said, “You should’ve known better.” It would be better to leave Baek Jae-heon to deal with it and just slip away quietly myself.
Step, step—
The moment my fingers touched the doorknob, Baek Jae-heon’s hand suddenly overlapped mine with a firm tap. The unexpected strength behind his grip kept the door tightly shut.
My body froze in surprise as his hand lightly grasped my shoulder, then in one swift motion, he turned me around.
“W-what are you—”
My vision spun, and before I could even steady myself, his face was right in front of mine. My breath caught in my throat. He was so close that our noses could almost touch. It felt like there was only a thin layer of air between us.
My heart pounded wildly out of control. Thump, thump, thump—each beat felt loud enough to echo in the quiet room. His hand moved from my shoulder up to the back of my neck, and the warmth of his skin spread through me so vividly that my entire body burned.
Baek Jae-heon lowered his gaze, then slowly lifted it to meet mine again. His eyes traveled from my forehead, to my eyes, to my nose, and then to my lips. My heartbeat roared louder with every inch his eyes traced. Thump, thump, thump—
From this close, I could smell his faint scent. It wasn’t sweat, nor was it perfume. It was something uniquely his—a mix of warmth and breath. It tickled the tip of my nose, making my breathing turn shallow. With every inhale, it felt like his scent filled my lungs completely.
I couldn’t run even if I wanted to. His gaze held mine firmly in place. His eyes were still sharp, but within them, suppressed emotions rippled faintly, ready to break free. All of it mixed together and threatened to swallow me whole.
Then Baek Jae-heon leaned in a little closer and whispered in a low voice.
“I think you’re misunderstanding something.”
“…What do you mean?”
“When I told you not to get close to that guy.”
“…”
“That wasn’t the reason.”
As he said that, Baek Jae-heon lightly bumped his forehead against mine. It was such a small motion that it almost felt like a joke, yet it sent every nerve in my body into chaos.
“I said it because I was jealous.”
With a faint smile, he said just that—then opened the door first and walked out.
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