Idol of the Heavenly One - vanish into fiction

“Yes, well. We’re still growing…”

[Oh, you’re all grown up now, what growth are you talking about.]

My manager sister laughed at her own joke, and I forced a laugh in response. Inside, I was desperately hoping she would end the call soon.

[Anyway, are you going home?]

“No. My dad is coming to pick me up tomorrow morning, so I’m staying at the dorm.”

[Ah, really? I was going to come get you, but that’s good then.]

Her voice brightened when I mentioned my dad was picking me up. She probably wanted to go home and spend time with her family, but I guess she was worried about me.

“Yes. So, please don’t worry about me.”

I tried to reassure her and ended the call. Then, I looked at Baek Jae-heon’s phone screen and was a bit shocked.

[12:53 AM]

I couldn’t believe how time had flown. Baek Jae-heon had definitely told me it was 12:04 before we started kissing, and we had been lost in time for nearly 50 minutes.

“Baek Jae-heon…”

“… “

“Baek Jae-heon—”

When I called his name a second time with emphasis, Baek Jae-heon finally seemed to come to his senses, lifting his head from my neck.

“What.”

His mind seemed to have returned, but his eyes were still glazed over. But if not now, I didn’t think we would ever define our relationship properly, so I gathered my courage and brought up the topic.

“So, um, what do we do now?”

“What do you mean?”

“…We, um, we kissed.”

Embarrassed and afraid, I couldn’t meet his gaze and looked down. If I had more dating experience, I could have pushed through manfully, but I couldn’t, and it made me feel a bit ashamed.

“…”

Even with my downcast eyes, I could feel Baek Jae-heon staring at me, but for some reason, he didn’t say anything. Then, embarrassment turned into fear within me. Was he really just doing this out of curiosity or lust? My mind started to spin.

“I—”

“…”

“I’m not doing this because I want to date you.”

Those words made my heart sink. It felt like something inside me was shattering. Of course, it made sense. What kind of relationship definition could we have between two men? I tried to accept it logically, but a wave of emptiness overwhelmed me.

‘I guess that makes sense.’

I tried to convince myself. What kind of relationship definition could we have between two men? That statement seemed like a very realistic truth. Logically, I thought I should accept it, but my heart didn’t. An endless wave of emptiness washed over me, engulfing my entire being.

‘What have I done? What was I expecting?’

I muttered to myself, berating myself. At the same time, a suppressed anger began to rise. I resented Baek Jae-heon for putting me in this situation. Why did he give me false hope? Why did he draw me in like this and now cut me off? A mix of hatred and despair made my chest feel even more constricted.

Yet, even as my body pushed him away, a part of me still wanted to hold on. ‘Maybe I misheard, or maybe there’s another meaning,’ I thought, clinging to a slender hope.

I tried to push him away, saying I understood his feelings, but even that gesture was weak with uncertainty.

Then, Baek Jae-heon firmly grabbed both of my arms. His grip felt like a silent command, ‘Don’t run away.’ As I met his gaze through ragged breaths, the confusion deepened.

“That ‘dating’ thing isn’t what I’m after.”

For a moment, it felt like my breath caught in my throat. Baek Jae-heon’s eyes deepened. I couldn’t even ask what he meant; I just stared at him blankly.

“For you, this might just be a casual fling.”

“…”

He continued, his voice steady and sincere.

“But for me, it’s not.”

His face held an unmistakable sincerity.

Baek Jae-heon was like the sea. He was a vast wave. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what he was, but I could feel the depth of his heart. It was a sincerity coming from a place far deeper and wider than I could comprehend.