Idol of the Heavenly One - Chapter 92.2
“… No.”
Baek Jae-heon said it was nothing and gently nudged my back as if telling me to come along.
But it really was not nothing.
Until we finished filming and headed back, Baek Jae-heon kept looking as if he were lost in thought. Even when Kwon Ji-hak teased him or Joo I-rip said something strange, Baek Jae-heon only stared quietly out the window.
It was the same even after we returned to the dorm. After washing up, Baek Jae-heon wished me good night and lay down first. But I could tell from his breathing alone that he was not asleep. I wondered if he just had something to think about on his own, so I pretended not to notice and stayed on my phone.
The next day, and the day after that, Baek Jae-heon stayed that way. He seemed deeply absorbed in something. But since we were extremely busy preparing for the comeback, there was no time to talk.
Then we finally had a rare day off. The members who went to the gym were gone, and the ones who went out for skincare were also gone. The dorm was quiet. When I woke up late and went to the living room, Baek Jae-heon was sitting on the sofa with the television off. I sat quietly beside him. Even when I came, he did not say anything and only stared at the blank screen, so I just looked at my phone in silence.
In that quiet, Baek Jae-heon suddenly spoke.
“You said you never dated anyone in your previous life.”
“Yeah.”
“You have never dated a woman either, right?”
“No.”
It was out of nowhere.
I could not guess why he was asking this. Maybe he was just curious after hearing I lived a long life. Living until fifty without ever dating anyone would be strange, so maybe he wondered. I thought maybe that was all, but his next words made my breath stop.
“Do you want to try dating?”
“… What?”
“If you ever want to.”
“What are you talking about?”
He said something so abrupt that it was not just surprising, it was absurd. I frowned, completely thrown off. Baek Jae-heon, with a serious expression, spoke again as if he were not joking.
“You have never dated anyone.”
“And?”
“And your first sexual experience ended up being with me.”
“Do you think I am stupid?”
“…”
“Do you think someone who lived to fifty without dating would not understand his own feelings?”
I was speechless. So all this time, the reason he had been so deep in thought was because he believed I might be confused. Since I had never dated anyone in my previous life and my first experience in this life happened to be with him, he thought maybe I was mistaken. That was why he told me I could try dating a woman.
Did he really think I was that foolish? And even if that were true, how could he say something like that?
“And also.”
“… Yeah.”
“Do you think I am someone you can just hand over to someone else that easily?”
“… No.”
“Then how can you tell me to go date a woman?”
I felt anger rise inside me. Whether my feelings were confusion or something real, they were still mine. And it was already too clear who those feelings were directed toward. I did not need to date someone else to figure that out. Separate from that, Baek Jae-heon should have held onto his own feelings more firmly. How could he come to that kind of conclusion?
Come to think of it, he had said something similar back then too. On New Year’s, when I asked if we were dating, he answered like this:
“I am not doing this because I want to date you.”
He said he was not doing it to date. Then what were we now? Was that why he could so easily tell me to meet a woman?
“You got another chance at life too. Your feelings might change.”
“…”
“I really am fine. No, I guess I am not fine.”
“…”
“But as long as you stay by my side, that is enough.”
“… You are not fine, but being beside me is enough?”
“Huh.”
I understood what Baek Jae-heon meant. Since I was living a new life, I might want to try dating a woman someday. So it was fine if I did. Because he only needed me to be near him. I understood what he meant, all of it. But understanding did not stop the irritation, the anger, and the awful feeling rising in me.
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