Idol of the Heavenly One - vanish into fiction

But I did not open my mouth to say anything. The anger that surged up was far stronger than I expected. So starting the next day, I kept my mouth shut as much as possible.

No, to be exact, it felt like if I opened my mouth even once, all my emotions would spill out, so I forced myself to stay silent. The words stuck on the tip of my tongue piled up until they felt heavy, and that weight kept dragging my chest downward. The words telling me to try dating a woman echoed like a boomerang inside my ears. Even when I tried to understand, I could not. And even in the moments when I could understand a little, it did nothing to make me feel better.

Even so, Baek Jae-heon treated me the same as always.

Whenever we arrived at the pre-recording waiting room, he organized my spot first. When my water bottle was half empty, he replaced it. When we moved locations, he naturally carried my belongings in one hand. He looked like nothing was wrong, as if this was simply his role. I replied halfhearted greetings and halfhearted glances. Then Baek Jae-heon would pause for a moment, but soon act like everything was fine again. That made it even more irritating. It made me feel like I was the only one who was angry.

The anger I felt toward Baek Jae-heon was not something that could be brushed off as simple disappointment. I had asked, “Do you think I am stupid?” and turned my back, but the truth was that there was so much more I wanted to say afterward.

I wanted to say, “I am not someone who verifies my feelings by dating someone else,” and “Why are you so ready to push me toward someone else?” and “Even if we never said we loved each other, we were walking that path together.” But I did not open my mouth. I felt like my emotions might explode. And if I started to break down, I felt like I would not be able to stop.

Then the news came that we were appearing on a variety show.

The members and staff were all excited because the program was one the famous PD would be running himself. Honestly, I was a bit glad too.

It was a show I used to enjoy watching in my past life. Back then, I only watched those games through a TV screen, and now I would be inside them myself. Just the thought of that made me feel strangely excited. Maybe it was the first time in days that the tension inside me eased a little. And this time, it would be a YEARZ-only recording. No mixing with other idol groups. Just us. It was a little nerve-wracking, but also something to look forward to.

“Today you will compete in teams.”

The PD announced that we would be split into teams of two. With six members, that meant three teams. Teams would be decided randomly. And unbelievably, the result was that Baek Jae-heon and I were on the same team.

Of all times, now. My mind went blank for a moment. I nodded as if nothing was wrong, not wanting to make others suspicious, but inside, my thoughts were a complete mess. To be paired with him in this state. It felt awkward even to talk, yet now we had to play games together.

The topics to draw from were food, animals, or sports.

Before our turn, the first team was Lee Soon-bok and Joo I-rip. They picked sports, and the way they had to describe it was hilarious.

With noise-canceling headsets on, they could not hear anything. They had to guess purely from mouth movements. Lee Soon-bok immediately started shouting the name of a famous soccer player.

“SON! SON!”

He used the name as it is called overseas. Joo I-rip misunderstood completely. Son? Something with hands? What sports use hands? Then he started shouting, “Basketball,” “Volleyball,” “Handball,” listing every sport that used hands. Lee Soon-bok stared at his mouth in confusion, going huh? huh? with a baffled expression. It was so funny that I burst out laughing before I realized it. And in that moment, I felt like someone next to me was watching. But I acted like I did not notice and kept watching the members.

The set was much louder and the laughter bigger than anything you could feel watching from TV. I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. Then finally, it was our turn.

The category Baek Jae-heon and I drew was animals.

Baek Jae-heon would explain, and I would guess. When I sat in front of him and put on the noise-canceling headset, all sound vanished as if the whole world had been muted. I avoided meeting his eyes and looked off into the distance.