Transmigrated as the Side Top used as an Emotional Trash Can - Chapter 10.2
“Were you upset because I looked troubled?”
Lee Seojun suddenly looked up at me with an expression full of surging emotion.
“Like I was some kind of burden…! Like you were going to throw me away….”
Lee Seojun had grown agitated as though he were about to add something else, but he abruptly pressed his lips shut. It seemed he hadn’t become angry because of my behavior itself, but for some personal reason.
“Hmm, I see.”
But his answers gave me a rough idea. The doppelgänger didn’t know Lee Seojun, and it had been modeled not after the ‘me’ who possessed this body, but after the original ‘Baek Hanrim.’
If it had been ‘me,’ I wouldn’t have smiled kindly after running into someone I didn’t know. I probably would’ve quietly ignored him and focused on my phone. Only the genuine ‘Baek Hanrim’ was capable of that kind of nearly unconscious kindness.
Also, the doppelgänger had thrown a flowerpot at me. It was aware that it was the doppelgänger. In that case, I needed to think again from the perspective of ‘Baek Hanrim,’ who knew that he was the doppelgänger, rather than from the perspective of ‘me.’
Baek Hanrim was the side top. My highest priority was survival, but Baek Hanrim’s highest priority was Kim Jihwan. I wanted to win the game. But would Baek Hanrim want to win? Would he choose to take over this body and live in this world?
“Hmm….”
No.
Baek Hanrim loved Kim Jihwan. More than a game or survival, he would have wanted to remain beside Kim Jihwan.
“When you saw me downtown, was I with anyone?”
Baek Hanrim was with Kim Jihwan right now.
“Let’s skip class.”
The break after fifth period.
Baek Hanrim was noisy, but he still fell into the category of a model student. And then there was his abrupt suggestion. Baek Hanrim, who acted as though the planet would be destroyed if he failed to receive a perfect-attendance award and seemed determined to die at school if he had to, suddenly said something completely unexpected with an oddly refreshed expression. I assumed Baek Hanrim was spouting nonsense again and ignored him.
“Jihwan-ah, there’s somewhere I want to go with you.”
But why did we have to go right now? We could go after school. And if that wasn’t possible, he could barge into my house over the weekend like always, wash me and dress me however he pleased, then drag me along behind him.
I didn’t answer and merely glanced at him. With his usual gentle expression, he said, “Hm?” and urged me to respond.
“No.”
When I answered honestly, he burst into laughter as though he had expected it. Then he said, “You’ll like it too,” grabbed my hand, and strode off somewhere. Why did he ask for my opinion when he was going to do whatever he wanted anyway? He really was impossibly annoying.
“Are you going to take responsibility if my grades drop?”
“Of course. I’ll take care of you for the rest of your life.”
When I grumbled as we crossed the field and left through the school gate, Baek Hanrim spouted more nonsense. Still, I did think he might genuinely do it. Ever since we were young, he had always taken meticulous care of me.
It was early afternoon, and the streets were quiet.
As we left the school grounds and walked downtown, I felt exhilarated by this unfamiliar kind of rebellion. The large, warm hand pulling mine and the back of its owner. Judging by his lightly raised lips and buoyant steps, he seemed to be feeling the same rush of excitement I was.
“Aren’t you going to ask where we’re going?”
Baek Hanrim’s curly hair danced in the soft, ticklish breeze.
“If you wanted to tell me, you would’ve done it already.”
At my answer, he smiled without arguing, his eyes curving into crescents. For some reason, the sight of him looking back at me felt as though it were happening in slow motion.
Even though I thought, Baek Hanrim is always predictable, I still couldn’t guess our destination at all. He was always like this. The person who seemed closest to me, yet was somehow the farthest away. He acted isolated and treated me as though I were the only person in the world, but he was always ready to turn around and leap into a wider world at any moment. He held the initiative, and his existence made mine feel insignificant and small.
I was the one truly isolated in a narrow world.
Tak-.
“…That hurts.”
I shook off his hand, stopped walking, and muttered. I said it as though making an excuse, but there really was a faint ache around my solar plexus. Had eating lunch with people other than Baek Hanrim caused it? Maybe I had indigestion.
“Sorry.”
‘I’m sorry,’ ‘thank you,’ and ‘I like you’ slipped from Baek Hanrim’s mouth out of habit. The world was cluttered with the lies and truths he left behind.
Sometimes, I grew impatient and wanted to find out which of them were true. Part of me wanted Baek Hanrim to notice the complicated thoughts inside my head, but another part didn’t want him to find out.
Because it felt as though I would lose if he did.
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